One morning Sid awoke to the sun shining through the window of the lighthouse. It crept slowly across the room and warmed his little cheeky face. ‘Oooooohhhh Ahhhhhh what a lovely morning it is out there today’ said Sid to himself, wiping the sleep from his eyes. ‘Wonder what can I do today, he thought to himself. ‘I know’ he shouted out in a loud, squawky voice, ‘I’ll go for a picnic’. ‘That will be right nice, a lovely little flap in the sunshine, a tasty picnic, maybe a little snooze on the beach and then back home in time for Coronation Street, all sounds jolly good to me’.

Sid quickly jumped out of bed and searched high and low for his picnic basket. ‘Where did I leave it last time I used it’, he thought to himself while scratching his head. ‘I know just the place’ as he looked in the cupboard under the stairs. ‘Ah, there it is, right at the back’. Sid did like to talk to himself a lot, because he lived on his own at the top of the lighthouse. To tell you the truth he was a bit of a grumpy old git, and no-one could stand being near him for more than a few hours.

Anyway, after a little while Sid had filled the picnic basket with everything he could find in the larder. There was chicken drumsticks, some old dried up chips left over from the last visit to the mainland, a couple of discarded jacobs cream crackers and a big chunk of stilton cheese. Well I think that’s what it was, it had lots of green mould on it and it did smell very stinky. Some lovely sunblushed tomatoes, although I think they were just dried up bits of tomato skin from the skip down below at the bottom of the lighthouse, put out by the keeper.

The basket was on the table and Sid started to do a bit of warming up, getting himself ready for the flight across the sea to the mainland. As he stretched out his feathers to check for any damage, it suddenly dawned on him that he was going to have to fly with picnic basket in his beak. Ooooh noooo, what am I doing’ he said to himself, ‘how am I gonna manage to carry the basket and fly at the same time. Now Sid was a bright Bird, he scratched his nuts and had a quick think, nothing too serious mind you, not that bright. ‘I’ve got a plan, I’ll hitch a ride over on the delivery boat that drops of the stuff for the keeper every morning’. ‘They won’t mind a beautiful old bird like me sitting on the front of their rib.

Sure enough the rib arrived and within a few moments Sid was there mate, sitting right at the front of the boat as it sped towards the mainland, water splashing all over the place. Sid got a bit of a wash, which wasn’t a bad thing, sometimes he didn’t wash for weeks.

As the boat arrived at the harbour, Sid quickly jumped off with picnic basket under his wing and strolled down the gang plank towards the beach. He found a lovely spot on the beach and set out all the lovely food on a litlle napkin that he had been saving for such an occaission.

He ate up all the food and put his arms behind his head and sat back and closed his eyes. ‘Wicked’ he said to himself, ‘who could ask for more, the warm sun, a full tummy and now a little doze. after a while Sid was fast asleep, he began to snore and started talking in his sleep. I think it was something about pilchards and what he could do to a couple on toast. ‘Catch them, grill them, stick um on a slice and eat them’ he sang to himself in his sleep.

After a while Sid awoke because of a strange sound. ‘Did you hear that, what was that, it sounded like a really loud fog horn’, he said to another seagull that was nearby. The other gull replied with a bit of an attitude, ‘I don’t think it was a fog horn mate, I think it was a bit closer to home’. ‘What are you saying’ Sid replied in astonishment! ‘Well take a look at your shorts’ said the other gull, who by now had a grin like a cheshire cat. Sid looked down and couldn’t believe his eyes. While he was asleep, he had done the biggest fart that you could imagine and blown a hole clean through his pants. It wasn’t a pleasant sight to behold, there were bits everywhere. Sid quickly covered himself with the napkin and flew away with a very red face and a cold breeze up his bottom.

The End